Friday, August 10, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
RE: Cycling News Flash
After the news about the Lanterne Rouge's alleged secret training camp in eastern Europe broke the Lanterne Rouge made this brief announcement:
"I have never been to Lithuania (I was in Kazakhstan last week though). I do not know Raimondas Rumsas, or his wife. Although I used to sometimes think about riding my Festina model Specialized I was never formally associated with that team of known dopers. My performance is the result of a good diet (of Belgian beers) and my (virtual) training regimen. Thanks to my fans who continue to support me. Everyone else ( i.e. WADA & the UCI) can speak to my lawyers. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go think about training"
After the news about the Lanterne Rouge's alleged secret training camp in eastern Europe broke the Lanterne Rouge made this brief announcement:
"I have never been to Lithuania (I was in Kazakhstan last week though). I do not know Raimondas Rumsas, or his wife. Although I used to sometimes think about riding my Festina model Specialized I was never formally associated with that team of known dopers. My performance is the result of a good diet (of Belgian beers) and my (virtual) training regimen. Thanks to my fans who continue to support me. Everyone else ( i.e. WADA & the UCI) can speak to my lawyers. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go think about training"
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Cycling News Flash!
Secret Training Regimen of the Lanterne Rouge Exposed!
We have just received photos from the secret Lithuanian training camp of VBC Member Lanterne Rouge (aka Boisse). The pictures are poor quality because they were taken from a great distance by a Russian-made disposable camera.
It appears that the Lanterne Rouge is taking performance-enhancing drugs that have allowed him to shed both years and pounds, although unfortunately his directeur sportif provided him a bike that was two sizes too big for him.
So remember: this is not the real Lanterne Rouge the next time he breaks the VBC Mount Doug hill climb record (i.e., making it to the top without falling off one's bike or barfing).
